Friday, March 30, 2007

A Candle's Glow


A sweet memory will always lingers in our minds and hearts how precious and special you were and are Crissie...you bring so much inspirations to those who knew you and love you very dearly. We hope to continue to bring conveying messages that you shared with us that will keep on glowing the light of Torah that will impart more blessings to others through your inspirational writings leaving behind a legacy for all of us. We miss you so much...



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Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 8:43 pm Post subject: Yeshaya's reflections


Hashem would test her in ways most Could not bear, her faith only grew stronger and even more did she care. For most of us should have tests, some of which we cannot bare, Because we are in these instances frail, like the wind blowing out a candle, Hashem knows this and doesn’t give us matters we can’t handle. These debts however, must still somehow wiped of the slate. So Hashem picks a person, one he knows from the start, a person of unending belief and compassion set apart. A person a Tzadika whose teshuva cannot be denied, whose tears are the same like that of one before, So when she asks, for Hashem to have mercy, Her motives unquestionable and pure to the core, That plea that she gives, even Hahsem can’t ignore. The tears that she shed, not once for he own plight, but were always for others many that are here tonight. I know this person, you say “She’s Mama Rochelle from Torah History, No my dear friends it also our OWN beloved Crissie.

Yeshaya


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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 11:11 pm Post subject: To Our Beloved Crissie


Words are not enough to express how I felt inside... but Hashem knows how Crissie touched our souls inspiring us to love Hashem with honesty and purity of heart that no matter what circumstances in life nothing can stop us from loving more and more to Hashem with great longing to learn His Torah and live with it everyday, always with grateful heart and gladness of being constantly focus in getting closer to Hashem.

She was so precious to us and wil cherished her beautiful memories in our hearts that will constantly inspired us to learn from her examples that she showed us even in a very short time she encouraged us to move forward into getting closer to Hashem no matter what.... We love you so much Crissie....



May you Mama Sarah and family be consoled among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Love,
Arle, Dean and kids


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Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 12:49 am Post subject: Sara Crissie's mom writes


Rabbi Eli I want to thank you for all you did for Crissie and for helping her on the path of learning.
You are truly a Blessing.

I have tried for several days to go into the Jewish Home, I am not sure if I am blocked or if it is my computer. I will try again later.

I have been reading her dreams and thinks for the last few days some are very deep and have given me a great deal of comfort and even stress.
I found one letter she wrote that showed me her inner battle and the letter she sent to her friends in the Jewish Home revealed she found her answer.

Crissie never wanted people to know she was sick. She never saw herself as restricted only as blessed by Hashem.

Thank You again Eli for being a light to Crissie and all who are touched by you and your lessons of Torah.

Sincerely
Sarah

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Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 1:03 am Post subject: Condolences from Uri Yosef

Dear Sarah -

I just found out about Crissie and want to express my heartfelt condolences -
המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים
- may H'Shem comfort you along with the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Crissie was a role model of faith in HaShem. I don't think that I ever knew another person who had maintained such a positive attitude in spite of the many problems that befell her.

רחל רות בת עזריאל בר׳ יעקב ז״ל May her memory be an eternal blessing.

UriYosef

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Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 7:50 am Post subject: Condolences from Radmkirk

Dear Crissie,

I know that in shamayim you can read this. You are very special to me, and I miss you very much. I will always remember the fun we had playing music, joking around and listening to the shiurim. You very much brightened every day that I knew you. It was a special treat to be able to make you laugh and dance along with the music I would play.

I know hashem has given you a very special place in olam habah, and you are smiling, and dancing and singing, running and jumping, and doing everything you couldnt in olam hazeh. You deserve it more than anyone I know.

I pray for us all, that we can learn from your strength and kindness and love that you gave to everyone you met. You were a very beautiful woman, and we should all strive to come close to your level of Torah and Mitzvot observance.

I will never forget you and I will keep you in my heart always.

Your friend,

Simcha

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Posted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 12:19 am Post subject: Sarah's Letter

Shalom Everyone,

I received this email from Sarah. She asked me to post it for her because she experiencing trouble in logging in.

I thank Hashem every day for placing Rob ie LfiGrad on her path, and keeping her safe.
May Hashem bless him a thousand fold.
I think her words " Hashem never hurt me " says a lot.

Her last note to me, I have added part of it here.
The Jewish Home was Crissie's world, you opend the doors and windows that she might learn and live. Thank You Eli, Thank all of you for being a part of her life and her family.

Love & Peace
Sarah

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Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 1:05 am Post subject: Condolences from Aryeh Leib


I was very saddened to hear of the loss of Chrissie, she was

a most brave and sincere person.

I want to express my heartfelt condolences.

We can all learn from Crissie how much she suffered and accepted her

situation. I am sure is the highest place in Gan Eden.


המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים


רחל רות בת עזריאל בר׳ יעקב ז״ל May her memory be an eternal blessing.


Aryeh Ross


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Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 1:07 am Post subject: Condolences from Amayah

Baruch Dayan Emet
השם נתן והשם לקח יהי שם השם מבורך

Hellah

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Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 1:10 am Post subject: Condolences from Rat-L-Trap

We have lost a very gentle being and one I hardly ever knew. Now I am learning about Crissy anew. It saddens me that I can only know of her now that she is gone. I have let the presence of a wonderfully sincere person slip thru my fingers. I wonder even now what messages she would have given to me. But the fact is Crissy is still giving lessons even tho she is no longer with us.

Crissy was a light, a wonderfully brilliant light that only shone for a short period of time. In that short time she accomplished much. In reading her letters I find joy, peace and comfort which is particularly surprising for a person in her type of condition. She endured and overcame her physical limits and reached out to anyone who was in range of her presence. She still is to this day a phenominal person and one I will never forget. Persons of her stature come this way only on rare occasions.

Those words "this be Crissy" will echo in my mind till the day I die! I will not say goodbye for there is another time and place where I will get to meet this kind and gentle person on a much higher plane than this mortal earth.

Rene (Rat-L-Trap)

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Posted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 8:30 pm Post subject: CRISSIE

I am like so many people in the Jewish Home who feels such sadness at the passing away of Crissie, and my hurt is selfish, you teach me every time I read one of your letters.
Thankyou HaShem for blessing us with an angel who taught me so much
in so short a time.
Crissie did not fret about what was not fair in her life but asked HaShem what His will for Crissie is now.

Sarah it is so true that we do not know what we need the wind for until it has blown past us.

All my condolences to you and your family Sarah, Baruch HaShem.

laila tov Crissie - This Be Crissie - a reminder to pray to love to be thank-you

Cathy Western Australia


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Posted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 12:59 pm Post subject: Baruch Dayan Emes

I am saddened on hearing of her passing. She was a very kind person who always had a nice word to say to everyone.

I remember her even before "The Jewish Home" was started and how she would always enjoy the music that I would share. I remember all her good questions that she would ask. And most of all I remember her "hi" as she would always make the other person feel important.

She will always be missed.

Baruch Dayan Emes.

Hamokom Yinachem Eschem Besoch She'ar Aveilei Tziyon Bih'yerushalayim


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Posted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 7:32 pm Post subject: Dear Sarah

Hello everyone,
Sarah asked me to post this letter for her, this letter came from one of Crissie's friends.They were friends for many years.

Dear Sarah,
At times like these it is very difficult for me to find the right words. Since the death of my father 17 years ago I have not been one to have an ability to find the proper eloquence to say the right things under the circumstances. What I can say is that I am very sorry I was not there to see Crissie before she passed. There are many times that I can recall when I needed her understanding and straightforwardness when I was basically without a clue. I still cherish the times we had together playing BG or just simply chatting about life, usually how screwed up I was and how she would try to make it better LOL. I know that she can look down on me know and see me for what I am, I suppose in the end that is how things will end for all of us. Crissie was a kind soul who was always willing to lend her opinion in a helpful manner. I will miss her dearly but also know she is in a better place.

Shalom.
Steve


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Posted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 9:09 pm Post subject:From Benny


Crissie has given me so much, teaching me about myself and how I relate
to Hashem. I am forever grateful to her for that. I know through her that
there is something more spiritual like the angels she talked about and
learning is not just about the number of pages one has read. She taught
me to seek out what lies beyond and experience the truth in Hashem s
relationship and message to us. Now it is up to me, you, and everyone
else she touched to put this into their lives.
I will miss her but never forget her.

Benny.


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Posted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 7:55 pm Post subject: Letter from Rebbetzin Goldstein To Sarah



Shalom to all,
I receive an email from Sarah that came from Rebbetzin Goldstein.

Dear Sarah,

We are sorry to hear about the passing of Crissie. May her memory be a blessing for the entire family.

She was a real fighter to stay alive - May she be an inteceder now on behalf of your family in Heaven.

May you have a Nechama for this loss, which we feel too very much.

With blessings,

Rebbetzin Goldstein

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Posted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 1:18 pm Post subject: In Memory of Baruch Benny Naim

sarah wrote:
I have a need to mention Baruch Benny Naim who passed away on Shabbos, June 23, 2006, in Tel Aviv. He was a good friend and wrote many lessons on Torah for Crissie. He took the time to search for answers to her questions and even shopped for Crissie. He would take her dreams and find the things she saw hidden in the Yeshiva. I will miss you, Dear Precious Benny. I like to think that you, Benny and Crissie, are soaring the heavens like your poems. You were Crissie's banister, Benny, and she was the stairs; and sometimes you were the stairs and she was your banister. You both helped each other grow.
G-D knows how much I miss you both.
Peace & Love,
Sarah

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Crissie's Chanukah Menorah 5766 (2006)


To the elevation of the holy soul of our righteous dear friend, Rochel Ruth, of blessed memory. May her memory be a blessing among the deceased of the nation Israel.

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Before she passed away, our beloved Crissie gave us her precious Chanukah Menorah that she inherited from her father. It's a blessing to us to have her Menorah kindled in our home during Chanukah. We will continue to light it in her merit. It truly brings memories of unfeigned love and illumination of her sweet loving presence in our hearts and souls.We miss her so much...

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

"my thinks" by crissie



Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 10:00 am Post subject: eli ask me post/ crissie

hashem i pray for all who is ask me to... an ones who i no even no...each word i wisper in my thinks...bring tears to my eys...i no no why i cry hashem...i think is the feelin deep inside that let me feel you is be with me... an you lisen to my prayer...i am humbal afor you hashem...i close my eys an amase...i ask you hashem let me pray rite words...let me hear each word...i think a name...an i see you embrase them with lite so brite is blindin to my site...even as my eys be close...the lite is all i see...i ask in my nite of dreams please to help me...help me to see...how can i be closer to you...lite my nites...help me to pray an be all you no i can be...

in my dream a see a ring of lite is go from colors of purpal to blue an in it center is lite of gold...afor me lay a flor of tinie stons 1 tinie candal is lite the room as if the sun do shine...on a stand of gold is the mogan david is no to big... yet on the wall is cast a shadow so big...torah hand reach to me an he takded me down a path...he show words of hebrew an leters i no see afor...is a room full of skins an pots full ink...as blue as i ever see...an ink as blak as nite...i lisen an i hear water runin as if a river is be by us...i ask were is we be an he say we be by wisperin roc...he show me somthin look lik bag pips...a bord covr with wire...he say is plase were king david rite an play songs in his nite...he splain to me king david was a man who no slep to much...how he be hauntad by his dreams...a things hashem is show to him...how he write his words an sing over an over till he see what is the leson the warnin...a nite mare makded rite...he put candal out an ask me lisen with all my bein...he ask me what i hear...i hear water...i hear wind like in a tunel...i hear pepel wisper...i hear scrathin on somthin soft...i hear breth...rusal of feet...torah hand say open you eys litel one an tell me what you see...i see nothin but total dark...he strik 2 wite stons an makded a spark a blindin flash....he ask me closded my eys an ask what is be i see, i splain i see lites...an colors kina lik a rainbow...litel one he say...think of hashem...an i begin to see the lits of gold...i say is jus like lite i see wene pray...now litel one opan you eys an tol me what you see...i see shadows of big pots of ink...a tabal...i see outlins of stuff that be in room...you see litel one even in you darkast nite...hashem is let man see...if you look to hashem he will liten the path...lisen litel one an he read psalm 23 to me...he hit the 2 rocks an rub an they glow...an he strik by tinie pot an is lite the dark...he show me his 2 rocs an they is lik 2 cristals...torah hand ask if i ever dispair as i limit in this life...i ask how i be limit...i no unerstan...litel one he ask...can you walk...can you talk...i splain to him i makded my pease with me long ago ....for as long as i can lern torah...pray...an hav my thinks...i am no limit...i sur if i was talkin an walkin in this life...i may no be as close to hashem as i be...as we talk the room grow brite...as if the sun is comded up...an i unerstan...i ask if king david was limit until he find hashem...torah hand say to me all are limit until find hashem...
is when we let hashem in our hearts an open our neshama to his words...do we stop the worie...stop the ilnes...stop the fear...an embrase his words of torah...litel one what lites this room so brite now...i think in som way is be the lite of hashem...he is growin mor closr to me as i grow closr to hashem...litel one what is mor importan to you rite now...mmm is easie to anser i say...to be closr to hashem...torah hand ask if i see be well as be importan...to no be limit...ohh no torah hand...you see hashem aredie see me as well...he gift me what i ask for...to lern torah...to pray...an hav my thinks...an to this he add even mor...he gift me lite to see in my dark...frinds...2 finers to type...i am bless torah hand...so veri bless...he show me a menora an the mogan david an the shadow they cast...remember litel one it taks lite to cast such a big shadow...as hashems cleans the erth in this yr...and a shadow covrs his lands...will be the lite of his kids that cast the shadows...that evil will fear...and agin his kids will be and are the apple of hashems ey...pray litel one...for soon the wall will crumbal an the gate hiden for thosnds of years will open...an lite will shine beneth his land of were we be now...the rumbals of hashem are now...pray...
rest litel one...soon you will unerstan...the rabbi fears no evil an the shadow he cast is long...as he start the spark in the neshamas that lisen to his parsha...he moved the the souls from darknes to a safe place an less an less...the evil comes...this rabbi is worth suport as he spend all his time keepin his yeshiva studens safe from the evil he pull them out of...you be safe in his home litel one...you ask an hashem gift you...an hashem will gift him all that he needs to keep his studen safe...torah hand wrap his arms arond me an i slep in peace...

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Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 2:54 pm Post subject: Rav Elirok reply


crisii writes
"i ask if king david was limit until he find hashem...torah hand say to me all are limit until find hashem..."

Do we understand it? do we see it? can we be in this level of interning into our lives? may we merit the abilty to feel it like it is expressed in crissi's dream amen!

Elirok


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Monday, March 26, 2007

Crissie's Last Letter To Us All





Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 10:18 pm Post subject: Crissie's last letter to us all


To: Grad
Subject: shalom my frinds


i no is soon i go to hashem, an i wana thank rob rabbi eli rabbi dov an rabbi eliezer3 for kinness they show to me an for help me lern...i want to thank ever one i ever say hi to who say hi bak to me...is a mitzva to say hi, i want to thank all of you for music, an stories, an sharin an for you kindnes...I hav so manie blessins in my life...the bestest of all was lernin torah with good pepel...is amasin to see how we grow an how we share our neshams in the sad time an good times... how we all cry an worie if someone no be on for few days...you are a part of me like a family...i have manie dreams an i lern an i was keep be told i had lern a leson afor i can go to hashem...one nite i dream of a buterfly an i hear a wisper soft as can be...i look at it an touch the wing an agin a wisper come to me...i lift my eys an see a lite...an i no the wisper is in the lite...i lisen as the voice is as soft as the wings of a buterfly...i see the hand with tinie torah wrap rond his arm...an so manie time he is say soon soon i wrap you in wite an bring you home...i ask if time be now i go...he say no...you have a leson to lern...if is be ok i like share my leson...crissie were is hashem torah hand ask...i say he in me...he in all his kids...torah hand ask how i no this an i say i feel hashem an see his spark...torah hand ask do you think hashem feels all you feel an nos all you thinks...oh yes i no he do...i will tell you the leson you must lern little one...i ask let me get paper as i wana be sur i get it rite as i sur is gona be a lot...torah hand say...forgive you self...i keep lisen and i ask what is leson i need lern...little one hashem is the spark in your neshama each time you hold on to thing you think you may have do rong you hurt hashem you hurt you neshams...you hurt you...look deep inside an forgivded your self...ever day my litel one you wake an imbrase you neshama you say the prayer an thank hashem...it is a powerful prayer...and it has a great leson...feel the words lisen to them like you never lisen afor..wow i think this gona be easie an i gona go hashem rite way... i have say is turn out no be so easie is harder than anie thin i ever do in my life...i no in my heart i am forgiv crissie...i will slep the slep of peace an no i have almos done with forgivin me an i feel the love of hashem...hashem is in us all...so many of you have touch my life...an you have bless me...an help me do mitva by sayin hi...an i hapie i can say hi...thank you for alow me be part of familie...for all i be... you is a part of me...for this i thank you...i fite hard to live an lern...an wene he come an wrap me in wite an takded me to hashem i will no in my heart i am redie as it is in hashems time no mine...this be crissie


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Wonderful Insight by: Crissie



...hashem hears all that is prayed and said an thought...somtimes you must listen not only with your ears...you must listen with your neshama.. your heart... your ears and even let your eyes hear the words of torah.....for you see, it is not enough to hear...you must use all that hashem has given you...to hear his whispers..thoughts..his rumbals...for all that is hashem...open your eyes that you may hear, open your heart that you may hear.. open your neshama that you may hear........even to the feather that fall to earth...hashem don't want parts of his children...hashem wants all of his children...hashem blessed the mind that thinks..and hashem knows of the cries..as he counts the tears that fall from you eyes...even vision must have a word.. if you look at a tree the mind thinks the word tree...vision is transfered to word...all that you have is steps to the next level of trust in hashem.

Yahrzeit Future Dates





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YAHRZEIT

20 Iyar 5767 (8 May 2007)

Torah Reading:Torah Reading:

Sabbath Before the Yahrzeit
17 Iyar 5767 (5 May 2007)

Torah Portion
Emor, Leviticus : 21:1-24:23

Haftarah Portion
Ezekiel 44:15 - 44:31


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20 Iyar 5768 (25 May 2008)

Torah Reading:

Sabbath Before the Yahrzeit
19 Iyar 5768 (24 May 2008)

Torah Portion
BeChukotay, Leviticus : 26:3-27:34

Haftarah Portion
Jeremiah 16:19 - 17:14




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20 Iyar 5769 (14 May 2009)
Sabbath Before the Yahrzeit
15 Iyar 5769 (9 May 2009)

Torah Portion
Emor, Leviticus : 21:1-24:23

Haftarah Portion
Ezekiel 44:15 - 44:31



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20 Iyar 5770 (4 May 2010)

Torah Reading:

Sabbath Before the Yahrzeit
17 Iyar 5770 (1 May 2010)

Torah Portion
Emor, Leviticus : 21:1-24:23

Haftarah Portion
Ezekiel 44:15 - 44:31

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20 Iyar 5771 (24 May 2011)

Torah Reading:

Sabbath Before the Yahrzeit
17 Iyar 5771 (21 May 2011)

Torah Portion
BeChukotay, Leviticus : 26:3-27:34

Haftarah Portion
Jeremiah 16:19 - 17:14

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20 Iyar 5772

(12 May 2012)
Sabbath Before the Yahrzeit
13 Iyar 5772 (5 May 2012)

Torah Portion
Acharey Mot, Leviticus : 16:1-18:30
Kedoshim (Ashkenazim), Leviticus : 19:1-20:27

Haftarah Portion
Amos 9:7 - 9:15


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20 Iyar 5773

(30 April 2013)
Sabbath Before the Yahrzeit
17 Iyar 5773 (27 April 2013)

Torah Portion
Emor, Leviticus : 21:1-24:23

Haftarah Portion
Ezekiel 44:15 - 44:31





Crissie's Yizkor and Yahrzeit



Yahrzeit candles should be lit the evening before the date specified. This is because the Jewish day actually begins at sundown on the previous night.



2008

Sun 27-Apr-2008 Yizkor (Pesach VIII)
Sun 25-May-2008 Crissie's Yahrzeit (20th of Iyyar)
Tue 10-Jun-2008 Yizkor (Shavuot II)
Thu 09-Oct-2008 Yizkor (Yom Kippur)
Tue 21-Oct-2008 Yizkor (Shmini Atzeret)

2009

Thu 16-Apr-2009 Yizkor (Pesach VIII)
Thu 14-May-2009 Crissie's Yahrzeit (20th of Iyyar)
Sat 30-May-2009 Yizkor (Shavuot II)
Mon 28-Sep-2009 Yizkor (Yom Kippur)
Sat 10-Oct-2009 Yizkor (Shmini Atzeret)

2010

Tue 06-Apr-2010 Yizkor (Pesach VIII)
Tue 04-May-2010 Crissie's Yahrzeit (20th of Iyyar)
Thu 20-May-2010 Yizkor (Shavuot II)
Sat 18-Sep-2010 Yizkor (Yom Kippur)
Thu 30-Sep-2010 Yizkor (Shmini Atzeret)

2011

Tue 26-Apr-2011 Yizkor (Pesach VIII)
Tue 24-May-2011 Crissie's Yahrzeit (20th of Iyyar)
Thu 09-Jun-2011 Yizkor (Shavuot II)
Sat 08-Oct-2011 Yizkor (Yom Kippur)
Thu 20-Oct-2011 Yizkor (Shmini Atzeret)

2012

Sat 14-Apr-2012 Yizkor (Pesach VIII)
Sat 12-May-2012 Crissie's Yahrzeit (20th of Iyyar)
Mon 28-May-2012 Yizkor (Shavuot II)
Wed 26-Sep-2012 Yizkor (Yom Kippur)
Mon 08-Oct-2012 Yizkor (Shmini Atzeret)

2013

Tue 02-Apr-2013 Yizkor (Pesach VIII)
Tue 30-Apr-2013 Crissie's Yahrzeit (20th of Iyyar)
Thu 16-May-2013 Yizkor (Shavuot II)
Sat 14-Sep-2013 Yizkor (Yom Kippur)
Thu 26-Sep-2013 Yizkor (Shmini Atzeret)

2014

Tue 22-Apr-2014 Yizkor (Pesach VIII)
Tue 20-May-2014 Crissie's Yahrzeit (20th of Iyyar)
Thu 05-Jun-2014 Yizkor (Shavuot II)
Sat 04-Oct-2014 Yizkor (Yom Kippur)
Thu 16-Oct-2014 Yizkor (Shmini Atzeret)

2015

Sat 11-Apr-2015 Yizkor (Pesach VIII)
Sat 09-May-2015 Crissie's Yahrzeit (20th of Iyyar)
Mon 25-May-2015 Yizkor (Shavuot II)
Wed 23-Sep-2015 Yizkor (Yom Kippur)
Mon 05-Oct-2015 Yizkor (Shmini Atzeret)

2016

Sat 30-Apr-2016 Yizkor (Pesach VIII)
Sat 28-May-2016 Crissie's Yahrzeit (20th of Iyyar)
Mon 13-Jun-2016 Yizkor (Shavuot II)
Wed 12-Oct-2016 Yizkor (Yom Kippur)
Mon 24-Oct-2016 Yizkor (Shmini Atzeret)

2017

Tue 18-Apr-2017 Yizkor (Pesach VIII)
Tue 16-May-2017 Crissie's Yahrzeit (20th of Iyyar)
Thu 01-Jun-2017 Yizkor (Shavuot II)
Sat 30-Sep-2017 Yizkor (Yom Kippur)
Thu 12-Oct-2017 Yizkor (Shmini Atzeret)

2018

Sat 07-Apr-2018 Yizkor (Pesach VIII)
Sat 05-May-2018 Crissie's Yahrzeit (20th of Iyyar)
Mon 21-May-2018 Yizkor (Shavuot II)
Wed 19-Sep-2018 Yizkor (Yom Kippur)
Mon 01-Oct-2018 Yizkor (Shmini Atzeret)

Remembering Crissie by LfiGrad

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Crissie's Bat Mitzvah Necklace~~~~~~~~~~~~


Remembering Crissie


Crissie left us at 3pm on May 18th. 2006

It was a journey that she had anticipated for quite some time, and was completely at ease to talk about. For her this was a trip to be with HaShem. To be free of the pain she had to endure, to be free of the tiny room that she lived in.

Crissie lived the last five years of her short life in a controlled environment.

It was not a "bubble" as some people described it. It was a sterilized room. It was a room free of any germs or bacteria. It was also a room sterilized of any human contact.

The brain stem stroke she suffered completely took away her immune system.

Her doctors wore protective clothing and gloves and masks on every visit. Crissie said that they look like "spacemen"

Only her mom, and her primary caregiver Jill did not have to wear this "special" clothing, but they could never leave the house. If they left, it would take 18 weeks of isolation, in a seperate part of the house, before they could see Crissie without the "special clothing"

Food had to be specially prepared and delivered, all clothing had to be sterillized. Everything had to be sterilized. Pencils, paper, books....everything.

To send something to Crissie, such as a gift, or even a postcard, it had to first go to the "lab" where it was completely sterilized before being brought to Crissie.

Crissie was a very well educated person, speaking several languages before her illness.

Crissie was struck down by a "brain stem stroke". The stem of the brain controls every function of your body, every organ and every movement. And Crissie's was deteriorating.

She was beset of seizures and strokes, and each one took its toll on her. These strokes took much from Crissie and a particular one took 95 percent of her memory, accumulated knowledge and life experience,

When she woke up, she didnt know who or where she was. She did not recognize her Mom, nor did she remember anything.

As time went on, some memory came back. Some tiny bits and pieces Some very basic memory. Little bits and pieces here and there.

Crissie had to start again from almost a blank page.

She re-learned the English language again from the beginning. She learned to read and write starting again from a first grade level. In the four years that I had known her, it was always improving and this is important to understand for anyone reading anything she had written.

Her doctor once described for me her level of understanding after her stroke as four, six nine

This meant that some things she could understand as a four year old and others as a nine year old.

This did not refer to her intelligent, as she was truly a brilliant person, with a huge vocabulary and capability of learning that was remarkable. We played many games online dealing with the powers of deduction and strategy and she would win so often, I believe the few times I would win, was because she allowed me to.

Crissie was on a ventilator for the entire time I had known her, so except for one special day when her breathing tubes were temporarily removed, I never heard her speak.

When recovering from her first and largest stroke, in addition to re-learning english, she was also taught the alphabet of the deaf, as was her mother so they could communicate.

Crissie would use her fingers to speak to her Mom, she would write on notes to her other caregivers, and she would speak to all of us on the keyboard.

Towards the end, due to several more smaller strokes, she could no longer sign with her fingers, and no longer write notes. But, with a special keyboard suspended in front of her, and her arm suspended in a sling, she could type to us with her one finger.

She could, at this time, only use one finger, and had some movement in her wrist. This small remaining power of movement allowed her to "speak" to us.

As each stroke paralized her a little more, Crissie would always thank HaShem for what she had left. She considered her last remaining finger a blessing from HaShem because it allowed her to continue to communicate.

Crissie in fact, considered everything a blessing from HaShem. Even her medical condition, which included the gradual deterioration of nearly every organ in her body was considered by Crissie, to be a true blessing.

"I am blessed" she would always say. And when she said it, she referred to everything in her life.

This was the hardest thing to understand about Crissie. It did not seem possible for anyone to feel that way. It was not a frame of mind that anyone, and certainly not me, could relate to.

This was a young woman, paralized in bed, breathing through a ventilator and being fed several times a day through tubes going directly into her stomach that felt so blessed.

Although impossible for me to understand, Crissie had no trouble explaining it.

"I go to classes everyday", referring to the classes that she found in the chat rooms on Paltalk, and later in the Virtual Yeshiva and specifically in the Jewish Home. "I study Torah with rabbis, meet and listen to other people talking and share conversation and music with people. I am truly blessed"

In fact, she considered her medical condition a blessing. "HaShem would not do anything that was bad for me" she would say. This was her way of saying that whatever happened or will happen to her was the will of HaShem and was therefore a good thing.

The computer was her window into the world. It was everything to her in terms of living outside her tiny world. It was her only source of learning, of music and of people.

She was raised in a completely sheltered world under the strict supervision of her father. She had never gone to a movie or watched television.

Having lost much of her memory, I thought she had forgotten, but her mother confimed to me that it was true. There had never been a television in the home and movies was not an approved activity.

Music was allowed to her and oh how she loved it. She loved many types of music and shared with me many of her favorites. My computer is filled with music that she sent me online.

With her mother's permission, I sent her a movie. I sent her the movie as much for me as for her. It bothered me that she had never seen one.

She watched it on her computer screen. It was Fiddler on the Roof. She seemed to love it and we spent the next few weeks talking about it. She spoke of the characters in it as though they were real people and she felt as though she was looking into the life of an actual family. She loved it.

But although it was her first movie, it was also her last. She felt that she had commited a sin watching it as her father she believed would not have approved. Her father had passed away two years earlier, and although her mother gave her permission, and told her that she was sure her father would have allowed it under these special circumstances, Crissie felt that she had sinned.

In one of the classes she had attended, given by one of the rabbis in one of the chat rooms, Crissie learned that we all, at one time or another commit a sin. And when Crissie learned something, she could never unlearn it. Crissie saw things in only two ways. White or black, up or down, yes or no, right or wrong, good or bad, sin or no sin. Either something was.....or it was not.

In her innocents, she could not sin. She was not capable of it. This however did not stop her from asking HaShem for forgiveness everyday for her sins.

Her "sins" consisted of things like not liking people who made fun of her, or feeling uncomfortable around people she considered rude.

Crissie always tried to do as many Mitzvas as possible, and list of Mitzvas she was capable of doing, was too short for her, and she was always trying to do more.

She got the idea, I believe it was from Rabbi Dov, that just saying "hello" to someone was a Mitzvah.

Crissie did many Mitzva's but saying "hi" to you, was her favorite.

-------------------------------------------- oh hashem i reach out to you in my nite an pray you help all who is ask for you to touch an heal
i look to know for anser to my day i jus ask torah hand show me the way..
with you in my dreams an with you lite i walk an talk an laff with you..
some time i cry.. some time i feel i be so alon in this world of life

i had a tiny strok dr say and can no longer sign.. how much i look to dream my dreams an go from this prison to be free.. to see the beauty you share to me of words an lite of torah.. how you bless me hashem an how you words touch me

soon hashem i gona be 27 yr old an i keep pray an thank you for all you gift to me i hav no needs an no wants for all i have is be from you hashem
my torah.. my prayer.. an even my tears.. is show me how aliv i be an how bless i be
i sit so still an lisen to beat of my heart an think of how big my world is be

every day hashem you show me life.. an every second of every day you gift me hope... you show me in my dreams how is be.. even you be sad.. an cry an pray you kids return to torah

hashem do they see the doors you open.. do they see how you bend.. do you kids ever say thank you... do they love as much as you love us... do they feel you touch... do they hear you words of torah

hashem thank you for touch the very core of my being an help me one more day to be even better...one mor day to learn.. one mor day to love you..one more day to read an touch your torah...one more day to feel.. one more day to dream..one more day to whisper your name.. an one mor day to feel your touch...

i wakded up with thinks in my head an rite the feelings i have now..
i hear the wings of freedom.. an hashem afor i forget thank you for let me keep 2 finger to use to type to you..an say hi to people online.. i gota love how you keep a good eye on me... an how again you is bless me..is amasin

i gona sleep more.. an pray i dream dreams of you hashem
thank you for be my frind hashem an for loving me

this be crissie


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